Meeting anxiety

Meetings_Jan23

Being a teacher vs. being a student

Student_Jan23

Road map

Next week, I begin my first semester as a grad student at KU, and my second semester teaching full time, teaching two sections of Discrete Math, and one each of Data Structures and Programming II. Moosader is also on my mind, and I feel like I have a bit more of a focus for what we should do in 2017. Marriage is also on my mind, though I’ve never been engaged before or planned for such a thing before.

 

Grad School

kuOrientation at KU opened my eyes to some possibilities that I had not thought of; I had originally just planned on doing it for the paper, to push forward my career, but talking to the EECS faculty inspired me a bit.

I like watching Day9’s Mostly Walking series, and one of the guests on that web show is Sean Bouchard. Sometimes he talks about his work, and though I don’t know much about it, it had piqued my interest prior to even thinking about grad school, and going to orientation made me think of some of the things he had talked about, which got me excited.

Now I see grad school as more of a journey than just a means to an end. Perhaps at some point I will switch from working full time and studying part time to vice versa – going back to being an adjunct and studying full time so that I can spend time on a research project, centered around software and education.

 

Teaching

This year, I’m an assistant professor. The previous semester, I was a full-time-temp, so I worked full time but I didn’t have the same responsibilities; it was like being an adjunct but with more hours.

I’ve been with my community college for a full year now – all of 2016. I really enjoy the teaching aspects, but this is the first place I’ve worked where I keep being put in the middle of faction politics. Perhaps I just hadn’t been at any software companies long enough to experience this, or I was always really low on the totem pole.

It isn’t making my job unpleasant at this point, per se; I mostly see it as weird, bizarre entertainment. But, it has affected my long-term goals there. That, and also being full time means I have more responsibilities now, such as attending meetings and a “butt-in-seat” policy (having to be physically present at the workplace to “prove” that you’re working, when really it just proves that you know how to look busy.)

I left the software industry to get away from arbitrary things that kill my productivity, such as required work hours and require work locations. If you want me to create my best work, you need to trust that I know how to best produce that productivity in me, rather than restrict me to silly standards that make no sense.

Anyway, this is part of why I’ve shifted my excitement towards grad school, and why I’m thinking of adjuncting after my year-and-a-half contract is up. Keep a foot in the door, but put my efforts elseware.

 

Moosader

fdeIn 2016, I was convinced that I could put out Fin ‘N’ Kit, rewriting it in C++ so that I could control more of its features than what the original engine had allowed for. However, this just ended up meaning I was the bottleneck and my team didn’t have anything they could work on. In 2016, we basically just re-released Gift Grab with new graphics as a free game with ads, since in 2015 we basically had about 12 sales.

So one of the things I’ve learned is that, this early in, we need to be building games with tools that increase our speed. Visual Novels in RenPy, or maybe using other engines or languages, rather than rewriting a full engine in C++. Fin ‘N’ Kit is in alpha, but there just isn’t much interest, so I guess it is suspended for now.

I put out a survey – in English and in Esperanto – with a list of some of the games we have prototyped, or just ideas for, to see where the interest lies. Mostly, the interest is around the language learning educational apps, moreso than anything that we’ve worked on purely for entertainment. Sure, there’s a little interest in a game where you’re a courier in a post-apocalyptic setting, handing out bills for peoples’ still-active student loans, and returning the payments back to the student loan H.Q. — Because, even after the apocalypse, student loans will continue to exist. Get it? 😛

And, honestly, it is hard for me to find inspiration for the “purely for fun” types of games anymore. This inspiration was severely killed off during my years as a software developer, as my soul was slowly killed as I zombied through the days. It was language learning that rekindled any sort of passion in me. As a result, I can easily think of games that I would like to play to help me learn languages, in the style that I best learn, so designing these sorts of games comes much more naturally. Coming up with something purely fun for fun’s sake outside the context of learning, my brain just doesn’t do that anymore.

 

Marriage?
rai22016 had mostly been good to me, up until a certain point. I began taking antidepressants/antianxiety meds, started my new job as an adjunct instructor, which I really enjoyed, and started my relationship with Rai, whom I met on Tinder. I had not been intending to find a serious boyfriend, and only date around to fill time, but we actually hit it off really well, and it had been the most healthy, supportive relationship I had ever been in.

In late October, however, the company that Rai was subcontracted under had budget cuts and rolled him off the project. He was given two weeks to return back to India. So, November 1st, he returned, where he continues waiting for another assignment and spending time training on Selenium.

We are still together, though “together” through WhatsApp. He is 11-and-a-half hours away, which is a difficult schedule. There is a chance that the company that rolled him off the project will be reassessing their budget from Q1, and be up for hiring him back in Q2.  I hate having to rely on corporations, they never come through and they have no respect or care for their employees.

Beyond that, I need to renew my passport, and I’m planning on booking a trip to India in May of this year, where we will go to Uttarakhand and meet his parents. I need to make sure to study Hindi daily, as his parents do not speak English. We’ve gotten approval from them already, but it is good to meet.

IMG-20170111-WA0016The marriage I’m willing, but weddings are a pain in the butt, and even more so now that we have to think of weddings in two countries. I like to keep things simple, but simple does not describe an Indian wedding. In the U.S., I figured it would be my parents, his parents, my sister, her bf, and my cousin and her husband. I do not want any more people than that. Simple, clean, low-stress, mostly casual. But how far apart would we have the two weddings, getting visas, and how all of this works, is just another stress on my plate when I already have so much to think about.

I finally am working full time so I can actually feasibly pay for flight(s) to India, but trying to fly myself and my parents, or flying his parents over, so many flights! So much money! Blarg.

From V.B. on Twitter :)

had to do this much sooner. I just want to thank you for your programming tutorials, I started coding by watching your tutorials, many years ago, and that shaped me to be the person I am today. Thank you for giving me a way to escape “poverty” and giving me some kind of guidance for life. I think that is the most important thing for a young kid. Finding myself early helped me to shape my life and goals. And that at the end helped me to live alone, have apartment, teach and my friends the same way you did help me. I think that people like you should hear stuff like this and get many thanks once in a while. Cheers! 🙂