Today, I woke up early. On Tuesdays, that means 8 am, since I teach my first class of the day at 12:30 pm. I woke up early in order to work on class materials for today and tomorrow, in the morning while I’m free to work from home with my coffee and bagel and music. Because once I’m in the office, my productivity takes a hit.

Over the weekend, I had prepared the topic lecture, made the video along side it. I built the homework and online quizzes. I still needed the actual in-class exercise for class today, which is how we spend the class periods for Discrete Math — I spend about 30 minutes lecturing, maybe more time if there’s some example problems to work out — then I have them work in their groups to learn the new material via these exercises. The exercises start them out simple and progressively get harder, with explanations before each section.

Went to my first section of Discrete Math, lectured, and graded things while they worked on their exercises. Home for lunch, then back for office hours for two-and-a-half hours.

I work on my exam for Data Structures tomorrow, which I had started last week but had not finished. My brain isn’t working; I feel restless, cramped, unhappy, anxious. I do not enjoy being required to physically be in a location when I can do the exact same work in other locations. I know how to be productive, I know what environment I work best in, but so many organizations and companies equate “time spent” with “productivity”, that a lot of my time ends up wasted.

I spent a little time video chatting with Rai from my office. I cried for a little bit, because the exhaustion is always there. I miss Rai, and I’m constantly tired, and I’m constantly working.

And then I keep getting arbitrary little tasks that eat up more time – write a short report in response to the departments’ personality tests on how I’m planning on working more effectively with somebody, reformat ALL OF MY SYLLABI because they don’t exactly match the department template (this is my fourth semester, and suddenly?), have weekly meetings on professional development for myself. One faculty member stops by for absolutely no reason, but makes up bizarre excuses to come talk to me, and it makes me hella uncomfortable. I’ve been told that I need to be physically present to show that I’m working. None of these things make me more productive; they make me less productive because I can’t get in “the flow”, they make me unhappy, they make me unhealthy.

I spent most of my office hours reformatting one syllabus. Because that’s a good use of my time.

Went to my night class, taught that. Came home, time to finish up that Data Structures exam for tomorrow – the multiple choice questions are done, and I worked on part of the programming assignment during my class tonight while the students were working. I still have to write the unit tests tonight so that I don’t have to spend as much time afterward on the grading.

I still have to come up with a list of, I don’t know… additional prerequisites for one of my Fall 2017 classes, because arbitrary reasons. I have to update these syllabi now. I have to finish grading my exams from last Thursday’s class. I have a lot of grading to catch up on in general.

I ate cheese in tortillas with some green salsa for dinner. For breakfast I had bagels, for lunch I had chips and refried beans. I don’t go out and exercise, except for the time that I walk to my destinations on campus. I usually don’t get enough sleep. I wake up anxious and feeling like shit. I have nothing to look forward to, because even if there were some new video game or something, I wouldn’t have much of any time for it. I can squeeze in an audio book on my 40-minute commute to KU. I usually watch YouTube clips of late night shows while I’m eating breakfast in the morning.

I still have to find a graduate advisor and set up my committee and write up my degree plan. I still have to do my own homework and study for exams and go to thesis defenses and write reports on them. All the professors are interested in thesis students; I want to do a grad project. I’m a “non-traditional student” who knows what the fuck I want, and I don’t want to spend years on that kind of research. I have ideas for grad projects. I want to do my own thing, get a degree, and open up more career options for myself.

And, as always, my startup gets put on the back burner. I don’t have time, and I certainly don’t have the emotional energy. I’m miserable.

And when people tell me “Work smarter, not harder” or “You have to make time” I just want to scream at them. My partner is stuck on the opposite site of the world, and has been there for the past four full months. Tomorrow is our anniversary. He was given two weeks notice to pack up his life and go back to his home country. On top of everything else I’m doing, I’m also trying to get our fiance visa paperwork done.

I wake up every day with the radio turning on to NPR. The news is constantly about 45 and his shitshow. I worry about the future. I worry about the climate. I worry about my friends and family, especially after this shooting in Olathe of an engineer from India. One of my students was friends with that man. I have students from so many different countries. Everybody deserves to be safe.

I’m so exhausted, but I have so much work to do. I try to get ahead of the pile at night, but it doesn’t help. I work slow, I’m sad. Then I keep getting handed more bs to work on that has no value whatsoever. I started the semester burnt out – the break between winter and spring semesters was not relaxing, with the political climate.

There’s nothing I want to do. I don’t enjoy anything except maybe junk food and sleep. I’m angry that I’m once again stuck where I am. I keep trying to work toward more freedom, but things just get worse.

How I prepare for weekly lessons

Lecture prep with textbook open and video editor open.

Here’s a preview into how I create the content for my courses. I always hated slides straight from the textbook publishers, so I always make my own. I also frequently have to re-teach or re-view content that I’ve learned previously, so the best way to learn is to consume all the information and then be able to regurgitate it in my own words.

For discrete math, I first go through the book and highlight the important bits – definitions, laws, notes about how things work. So much content in textbooks is just fluff… while it can help you gain context for what you’re learning, I wish it were separated a little more… give me the pure information in one section, and the pure exposition in another. Examples after that. Make it easy to parse.

So I come up with what I want to cover – then I usually look line for additional resources. I frequently quote Wikipedia pages on math because it’s easier to cite; I don’t want to get in trouble for quoting the textbook (because proprietary, ugh.) There are also Wikibooks (a, b) on Discrete Math, and other class resources from other universities.

Next, I build my lectures. Yep, it’s a slideshow (built with the open source LibreOffice Impress), however:

  • I try to write out all the information that I want to cover for the chapter in these slides. I hate when class slides are useless on their own.
  • I use the slides to give information, show examples, and give practice problems.
  • I turn it into a video, for students to watch on their own time.

As I turn it into a video, I alleviate some of the shitty parts of slideshows further:

  • I don’t just record myself talking as I run through the slideshow “live”. Nope. I throw the slides in my video editor (kdenlive, also open source), then record my talk for each slide separately (with Audacity, also open source). I put them all together in the video editor. This means I cut out all the “ums”, pauses, and stumbles.
  • I insert in working math by-hand by recording myself working problems in a paint program (GIMP, open source) with my drawing tablet (a cheapo Wacom), recording the screen with OBS (also open source).

 

I’m currently writing the lesson plan for a chapter on logic circuits, which means I pull out another handy open source tool: dia.

Using dia to diagram circuits

It’s dia!!

I’ve found that I’m too busy this semester to actually grade paper homework. With my own homework and studying to do as a grad student, it just isn’t practical. Therefore, I’m also leveraging our LMS (learning management software) to build custom homework questions that are self-grading, and give students immediate feedback.

Creating a quiz in D2L

 

Millennials rock

“demographers and researchers typically use the early 1980s as starting birth years and the mid-1990s to early 2000s as ending birth years.”

I think that teachers of the my generation and future generations will end up being more effective because of our experience with various types of technology. Many of us have grown up editing videos, using YouTube, or even making animations (*cough*Newgrounds*cough*…) and when we leverage our experience into our professional lives, we become that much better at creating tools and content. As kids and teens, we learn to be content creators, whether we’re making videos about video games, or programming tutorials, or drawing, or whatever our interests are.

We aren’t afraid of technology, and we pick up the tools we need and teach ourselves. I have a toolbelt full of software for video editing, audio editing, music writing and sheet music creation, diagramming, art, animating, software development, and more. I taught myself to animate as a tween, which is a skill that has served me throughout the years. I began making YouTube programming tutorials when I was about 18, which is another skill that I still build and use today.

We don’t rely on expensive proprietary software to come along and let us teachers achieve what we need – there are tons of tools for all sorts of things, and many are free and open source. And if those tools don’t exist, there are more and more tools popping up for building your own.

We are the generation that creates!

(And is also sleep deprived from too much work. Looks like I’ll get less than 5 hours of sleep tonight…)